how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
