Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
