Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
