How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
