Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
