I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
