you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
