yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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