Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
