Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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