It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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