I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
