You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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