Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
