it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
