Life is so much better after having sex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
