I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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