My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
