I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
