My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
