I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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