I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
