she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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