Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
