and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
