It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
