That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
