Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
