I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
that is very illegal...i love you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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