Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
