i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
