I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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