Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
And then he peed in my hair
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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