I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just invented taco cereal.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
