I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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