i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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