No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
