She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
