I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sext me about skeletons
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
