kristin has been a bad kristin
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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