I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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