All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
