its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
