yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
