Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
