Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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