Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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