my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
