i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
