Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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